Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Invisible Child

I have an invisible child.  No, his name is not "Not Me" or "I didn't do it" or even " I dunno".  He is none of those things, he is very real and yet somehow, he escapes notice around here quite often.  He is quiet, he is compliant, he fly just under the radar most days.  He is my son.

With all the drama that happens here on a daily basis, his willingness to stay unnoticed makes him darn near invisible.  You would think with all the constant discipline issues in our house, that would be a blessing, right?  Well, some days I won't lie, it IS a huge blessing, but most days I just feel horrid about it. 

You see, he is a RAD kid too.  He is healing, he has his moments, but he is healing.  And yet, he just dissappears most days in the face of his more demonstrative siblings!  And with the lack of energy to deal with more, I let him.  Lately he has been headed the wrong way... you know, the way of the RAD, *that* way.  And I really am starting to wish I had spent more time chasing down the invisible kid.  

I have guilt, mommy guilt, hard core mommy sucks at this theraputic parenting thing guilt, guilt that seeps into my very soul.  Because I could have prevented this invisible kiddo from the backsliding I've been witness to.  He is crying out for help by becoming what he sees in his siblings every day, what he worked so hard to get past.  And all I had to do was pay attention.  All I had to do was take time to notice.  And I didn't.  Because I was so caught up in all that is our crazy family life and my own stuff.  And that, readers, is a sorry excuse!  I love this boy more than life itself, but I let him slip by one too many times. 

I am hoping to be able to give him more of what he needs.  I am hoping to be a better mommy, if just for today.  I am hoping he decides being invisible is only for comic books, and in real life, it's much better to be here and present in the moment.  Wanna join me in some hope?  Love your invisible child today, hold them till they feel real.


  1. I love you Lori! You are an amazing mom even when you dont do it all right! You amaze me!

  2. @Carrie~Bwahahahahaha!!! Love you too girl! But I'm not amazing, I'm just a mom.

  3. Lori,

    Praying for you. You are a wonderful momma! Love you!

  4. Awww Bree, you read my blog??? You need to blog so I can keep up with your crazy baby life! I miss seeing you guys!

  5. This bought tears to my eyes... It's a RAD cycle here and my heart feels void of energy for it. Void of heart for it... Void.
    This post actually did nurture my little seedling of hope. Thanks.

  6. Hugs Lori! You can bring him back, one day at a time... You are awesome and and really good at this therapeutic stuff!