Monday, July 4, 2011

Hello Again!

I know I fell completely off the face of the earth. Things here have been... well, in a word strange. My life has taken some very odd twists and turns, and yet it all goes on as if time should pass normally. I have found a tiny bit of peace in my life in the midst of it all swirling around like a tornado, and I thought I'd share.

I have come to peace with the knowledge that my children may need to be medicated to lead a happy, "normal" life. I have also come to the same conclusion for myself, at least for the short term. I know there are some (possibly many) of you who would disagree. I would have disagreed with this decision a year ago, trust me. I have put much thought and focus and research into this, and after it was all said and done, we put lil' C on meds for sleep at night and regulation during the day. I wish I had done it earlier. He is so much happier and is having fun like a four year old should. Are the meds magic? Far from it, but if they can help him learn how to process life through a new, better filter, how can I NOT give him that opportunity? With the support of our post adoptive services (who I LOVE with all my heart, because they SEE us and love on us and our kids constantly) we now have a plan for healing for my little man! I could not be happier.

My road to healing has been a bit bumpier than I envisioned. After several panic attacks, one dissociative event, and many, many tears, I sought help. It has not been easy to find. Good, gentle, and helpful therapsists and pdocs are evidently a rare commodity. I have done much of the work on my own, while still looking for the right fit. I found a wonderful pdoc for myself who was able to help, if not fully comprehend the scope of my life. Not that it's all that easy to understand these days! I am now feeling more like myself than I have in more than 14 years. I can get up and move, I can even *gasp* exercise. If you have never been in the pit, you have no idea how hard those very simple things can be, and how precious they can be. I am still in search of a therapist, but things are looking brighter by far.

Looking forward to getting (and keeping) my life back! Being the consummate non-finisher that I am, I don't plan on keeping up with that 30 day photo challenge I put up, but I may construct another one for myself... something along the lines of "Thirty days in the life...". Loving you all and looking forward to sharing more soon!