Hello Again!

I know I fell completely off the face of the earth. Things here have been... well, in a word strange. My life has taken some very odd twists and turns, and yet it all goes on as if time should pass normally. I have found a tiny bit of peace in my life in the midst of it all swirling around like a tornado, and I thought I'd share.



I have come to peace with the knowledge that my children may need to be medicated to lead a happy, "normal" life. I have also come to the same conclusion for myself, at least for the short term. I know there are some (possibly many) of you who would disagree. I would have disagreed with this decision a year ago, trust me. I have put much thought and focus and research into this, and after it was all said and done, we put lil' C on meds for sleep at night and regulation during the day. I wish I had done it earlier. He is so much happier and is having fun like a four year old should. Are the meds magic? Far from it, but if they can help him learn how to process life through a new, better filter, how can I NOT give him that opportunity? With the support of our post adoptive services (who I LOVE with all my heart, because they SEE us and love on us and our kids constantly) we now have a plan for healing for my little man! I could not be happier.


My road to healing has been a bit bumpier than I envisioned. After several panic attacks, one dissociative event, and many, many tears, I sought help. It has not been easy to find. Good, gentle, and helpful therapsists and pdocs are evidently a rare commodity. I have done much of the work on my own, while still looking for the right fit. I found a wonderful pdoc for myself who was able to help, if not fully comprehend the scope of my life. Not that it's all that easy to understand these days! I am now feeling more like myself than I have in more than 14 years. I can get up and move, I can even *gasp* exercise. If you have never been in the pit, you have no idea how hard those very simple things can be, and how precious they can be. I am still in search of a therapist, but things are looking brighter by far.



Looking forward to getting (and keeping) my life back! Being the consummate non-finisher that I am, I don't plan on keeping up with that 30 day photo challenge I put up, but I may construct another one for myself... something along the lines of "Thirty days in the life...". Loving you all and looking forward to sharing more soon!

Short update for the last month

Sorry!! It's been a crazy couple of weeks to say the least. I am trying to get better, and that requires me to rest frequently and TRY not to do too much. Yesterday I failed miserably at the last part... the 'nanna nut muffins pushed me over the edge! I am slowly but surely getting back to the way things were, so I thought I'd give you a quick update as to what we've been up to for the last month or so.

• Waaaay back in mid December I had the priviledge to spend the day celebrating Christmas with my extended family. It was such a blessing to see everyone, and those of you who couldn't make it, you were sorely missed. The food was fabulous (fajitas with all the fixin's) and the company was even better! It was a wonderful reminder of how much a REALLY TRULY love my family.

• I enjoyed a wonderful evening with some of the ladies from Co-op, and got a well deserved break from being a mom for the evening(thanks Big Daddy).

• I was inspired to start a new business, and given a name for it to boot! Paper Mountains blog went live today, which means I met my goal for getting it up and running by mid January... Yea me!!!!

• We spent a fun evening out as a family looking at Christmas lights and being lost in the wonder of it all.

• I took several trips to see my family doctor for a crazy cough that would NOT go away eventually seeing a pulmonologist who still had no answers, just steroids...

• We spent a wonderful Chritmas Eve at my parent's house culminating in a fabulous Vespers Dinner and sleeping children all around~ Ok, so they had to be seperated and no-one got to sleep without a good talking to, and sleep didn't come until nearly midnight and I was in tears, but sleep finally came for all of them. I am so blessed to have a mom and dad who love me and all my crazy life!

• Christmas day was a blur, but the standouts were Maple Bacon Oven Pancake, watching the kids open their gifts in their jammies, and a great evening with Big Daddy's extended family. Good food, and fun company.

• New Years was spent at the farm with Big Daddy's parents. It was uneventful in the best way, and we got to spend lots of time outside in nature, and Lovey L got to be with her Monkey and even rode for a while.

• All my big plans for the start of the year were put on hold the first Sunday of the year due to breaking a rib while coughing (yes, it really can happen).

• Fast Forward through the past few weeks of Vicoden and resting, and resting and Motrin, and more resting while the kids and Big Daddy were pulling my weight (which is considerable these days what with all the Vicoden and steroids) and here we are!

I am going to start schooling the kids again in something besides math and reading, and we'll be headed back to some kind of normal soon. Look for some Artsy Fartsy Wednedays and some other fun stuff dealing with RAD and our crazy brood coming soon.