Monday, April 11, 2011

Day 1 Photo Challenge

This is me in all my work clothes glory!  Not a picture I love, but it's pretty accurate. This is my daily attire while I work and slave doing what I love.  So here are the 10 facts about me...

  1. I didn't realize how much I've changed until I took this picture
  2. I will be eating right and exercising soon
  3. I am more in love with my husband than ever before
  4. I love my herdlings more than I love myself
  5. I am officially a business woman (who knew?)
  6. I am broken inside, and I know it
  7. I love all things old and dusty
  8. My aunt gave me bags full of treasure this weekend, and it makes me giddy
  9. I had a pretty awesome childhood and still talk to the kids on the block
  10. Probably most important~ God is working big things in my life right now
Now take a look at that lady one more time... she will be changed by the end of this 30 day challenge... I guarantee it!

30 Day Photo Challenge

Alright, I stole this from my good fiend friend Dory(love ya' girlie!), and tweaked it just a bit, but the concept stuck with me.  Play along if you want and post your blog in the comments section, so we can all see your life in pictures for the next 30 days.

Here are the daily suggestions. Feel free to alter them if you wish.  Now I'm off to take a picture of myself that I can live with and blog about.  Just a side note, looks like you'll be seeing more than a few pics of Big Daddy, he fits almost every category!

Day 1: A picture of yourself with 10 facts.

Day 2: A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.

Day 3: A picture of the cast of players in your house.

Day 4: A picture of your night.

Day 5: A picture of your favorite memory.

Day 6: A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.

Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item.

Day 8: A picture that makes you laugh.

Day 9: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

Day 10: A picture of the person who you do the most messed up things with.

Day 11: A picture of something you hate.

Day 12: A picture of something you love.

Day 13: A picture of you with each one of your kids~individually.

Day 14: A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

Day 15: A picture of something you want to accomplish before you die.

Day 16: A picture of someone who inspires you.

Day 17: A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.

Day 18: A picture of your biggest insecurity.

Day 19: A picture of your favorite letter or number.

Day 20: A picture of yourself in the morning- no cheating.

Day 21: A picture of something you wish you could forget.

Day 22: A picture of something you wish you were better at.

Day 23: A picture of your favorite book.

Day 24: A picture of something you wish you could change.

Day 25: A picture of your day.

Day 26: A picture of something that means a lot to you.

Day 27: A picture of yourself and a family member.

Day 28: A picture of something you’re afraid of.

Day 29: A picture of something that can always make you smile.

Day 30: A picture of someone you miss.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Therapy... For me

I've talked about it in the past.  I've had very little success finding it.  But this week, I finally located it.  This "it" I speak of, what is it?  HELP!  That's what it is!  I think I've finally found it, and it's right here in the neighborhood, too!

This help comes in the form of a therapist.  I spoke with her on the phone at length about my/our situation and not only does she think she can help me, she knows all about RAD!  Unfortunately she doesn't take on kids as clients, but she has several RAD moms in her care.  She even asked what therapies we're using!  So far I'm thrilled with her.  We have our first in person session next week.  Let the healing begin.

The downside?  I almost threw up just dialing her number.  I am terrified, folks!  I was literally shaking just leaving a message for her.  While we were on the phone and I was giving her some background info, I was nanoseconds from having a panic attack.  Reliving the past, and healing old wounds is an EXTREMELY horrifying concept for me.  I spent the day just shy of the fetal position, and avoided my family and my parents (sorry mom) for fear of having someone notice my terror and having to talk about it.  Who knew healing was so scary?!  Writing this post, I'm still feeling a little sick to my stomach, but I am doing it!  I will heal, I will get through this, and I will come out the other side better for it, and better for helping my kids heal.  I am going to be brave!  Don't be fooled, healing is truly hero work.  Just ask my kids!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Invisible Child

I have an invisible child.  No, his name is not "Not Me" or "I didn't do it" or even " I dunno".  He is none of those things, he is very real and yet somehow, he escapes notice around here quite often.  He is quiet, he is compliant, he fly just under the radar most days.  He is my son.

With all the drama that happens here on a daily basis, his willingness to stay unnoticed makes him darn near invisible.  You would think with all the constant discipline issues in our house, that would be a blessing, right?  Well, some days I won't lie, it IS a huge blessing, but most days I just feel horrid about it. 

You see, he is a RAD kid too.  He is healing, he has his moments, but he is healing.  And yet, he just dissappears most days in the face of his more demonstrative siblings!  And with the lack of energy to deal with more, I let him.  Lately he has been headed the wrong way... you know, the way of the RAD, *that* way.  And I really am starting to wish I had spent more time chasing down the invisible kid.  

I have guilt, mommy guilt, hard core mommy sucks at this theraputic parenting thing guilt, guilt that seeps into my very soul.  Because I could have prevented this invisible kiddo from the backsliding I've been witness to.  He is crying out for help by becoming what he sees in his siblings every day, what he worked so hard to get past.  And all I had to do was pay attention.  All I had to do was take time to notice.  And I didn't.  Because I was so caught up in all that is our crazy family life and my own stuff.  And that, readers, is a sorry excuse!  I love this boy more than life itself, but I let him slip by one too many times. 

I am hoping to be able to give him more of what he needs.  I am hoping to be a better mommy, if just for today.  I am hoping he decides being invisible is only for comic books, and in real life, it's much better to be here and present in the moment.  Wanna join me in some hope?  Love your invisible child today, hold them till they feel real.