How to not think about psychotherapy all day long...

...better known as how I distract myself from my three ring circus life.  I admit it, I think most days about the mental health status of at least one member of my family if not all of them as well as myself.  I have to.  With as many alphabet soup letters flying around after my kids and I, it is impossible to ignore completely.  But I try!

I have been kicking an idea around in my head for the last few weeks.  It's like a fantasy world in my head, a nice little story line to distract me when I have some down time.  Kind of like a soap opera rattling around in there (as if I don't have enough drama with out it).  I tried to make it go away, but the characters kept getting more and more persistent.  I know some of you are probably thinking I've finally gone 'round the bend, but just stick with me for a little bit longer... I swear I'm not losing what's left of my mind.

 It had gotten so bad I was dreaming the finer little plot details in vivid, hard to ignore dreams.  So I decided to write it out in an outline, just to get it out of my head.  Because, as I'm sure you can imagine, I really can't afford to be distracted by a whole separate life that goes on in my head, right?  I thought it would be just a short little exercise and I would be shed of this silly little idea and get on with my life.  Then I thought, "ya' know, this would make a fun little short story".  I tried writing it, and honestly, as a short story, it just had no luster.  There was no shine to it, but in my mind, ahhhh... there it grew flesh and bones, it was glorious, it was curious, and it was poking at my brains ALL DAY LONG!!  There were all these people, and situations, and LIFE in it.  I tried to leave it alone, I tried to shove it away, I tried and tried and tried.  I need some rest in my life.  I have enough to do with out adding something else, and lets face it, I'm not exactly a finisher.  I start things and start more things and start even more things until I am overwhelmed with all the starts and never finish anything!  I know this about myself, I really do, so why won't this silly thought go away? 

I do not know the answer to that.  I really don't.  All I know is if I can't get it all out of my brain, I will never be able to get anything done.  So I am going to start another project.  One just for me.  If nothing ever comes of it, I will hopefully at least have gotten this silliness out of my head.  I am going to write a novel.  Not a poem, not a short story, and not a cheap dime store romance either, a real novel to make you question your choices in life and make you think hard about your beliefs.  A novel that has real characters and real meaning, and that maybe, just maybe will get my brain to SHUT THE HECK UP when I close my eyes and try to sleep.  I won't be sharing it here, I won't be sharing it with anyone, not even my dearest and most wonderful husband.  But I will be writing it, and if it's good or bad, or even just somewhere in between, it will have a voice.