Progress

Last night the most amazing thing happened. I know some of you who read this will see it as "normal" behaviour.  In our house, I can assure you it is not her "normal", it is HUGE progress! 

After her first day back to school after spring break, I have to say it went fairly well. She stayed on green all day long.  She seemed to be in a decent mood, but not with out the usual stick poking and general dirty looks we have come to expect.  To be honest, it was just a regular day in the life.  And then something extraordinary happened.

We were going about our regular bedtime routine, and were about to head upstairs when she shocked me into almost silence for several minutes.  She looked up into my eyes ( a HUGE thing in and of itself), and said "Mommy, lets stick together like glue until bedtime"  and proceeded to put her little arm around my waist and "glue" her bum to my thigh as we walked up the stairs.  We unglued long enough to brush her teeth and go pee, and even those things, which are usually a fight, went well.  As soon as we were done with the hugs all around, she just wrapped her arm around me again and we three leg walked to her bed.  She unglued reluctantly and held me tight as we said our prayers.  As I walked out of the room, she said "I love you, mom, see you in the morning" and she REALLY meant it!  I loved every minute of it!

This morning she was back to her "normal" tricks.  Pretending she didn't know how to open the pantry, eating her breakfast like a three year old, dirty looks galore, pretending to not know how to get out of the van, but I got a whole thirty minutes of pure love the night before, and that gives me hope!  I can endure all the stick poking if I can see the hope!

Healing Trauma

I vowed not to blog again until I dealt with my own trauma, and was in a better place to deal with my kid's trauma.  I was wrong.  Let me say it again for all of you who don't hear it enough... I WAS WRONG!!

I have come to a place that I truly believe God gave me these blessings to heal my own crazy while helping them heal theirs.  No easy feat, I tell ya', but there it is.  That being said, I feel like maybe I could help others along the way.  I'm no superwoman~ no, family (they really think I am), I'm not!  I am broken and hurting and trying to make sense of my life.  If me writing my journey through the loneliness and pain helps me, then it might help others.

I will not go into my own trauma here.  I just don't think it's necessary or even beneficial to anyone.  Just know it's there, and it makes me more like my RADlings than I care to admit.  On many levels, I know that is why God gave them to me.  I see myself in their eyes every. single. day.  It is painful.  It makes me want to turn away.  It makes me physically ill.  It makes me ANGRY!  For their sakes I will choose to die to myself, and get the help I need, so that I can better understand how to heal their hearts before it is too late.

So things on this blog may take a turn.  Not for the worse, hopefully for the better, but most certainly off the well worn path.  If you care to join me, I'd be happy to hold a hand for a while, share some laughs, and walk for a while with you.  Come join me on my journey.

PS~  If you are related to me, and are worried I'm losing it and you feel the need to worry about me, please know that I AM okay, I WILL be fine, and this is nothing new under the sun.  I am still the same person, now you just know a bit more than before.