Benefit Swap and Shop

Come join us for a

HUGE Swap and Shop!!!

To benefit Karen Slunaker and her Family.

 As an adoptive mom I know how hard it can be to keep it all together and how much we rely on our spouses.  My dear friend Karen is an adoptive mom as well.  Karen’s husband is a cross country truck driver and has been all his adult life.  Last week their life took a dramatic change as he had a seizure and will not be able to work at his chosen profession for 8 YEARS!!!!

Their family will lose all their insurance, benefits, and income in the next few weeks.  In addition, he will be unable to work at another profession until he can obtain some sort of training. 

In response to this the tragedy, the adoptive community surrounding her is raising money for her family to sustain itself until he can obtain employment.  So now for the fun stuff!!!

 I will collecting donations of clean, used clothing in good repair and having a HUGE swap and shop at my home on April 21^st.  All pieces will be sold for $1, and I will be accepting cash donations at that time as well.  What is a swap and shop you ask?!  The basic premise is that of a resale shop, except it will be held one day only, all items at this swap and shop will only cost ONE DOLLAR, and all proceeds will go to Karen and her family through a Chip In page that has been set up to help this family out. 

If you would like to donate clothing, I will be glad to arrange a pick up time at your convenience.  Please e-mail me @ matildemom@gmail.com and I will work with you to get the items as soon as possible.  If you would like to donate directly to her Chip In page, it can be found at http://sherific.blogspot.com/2012/03/chip-in.html

If you would like to come and shop the swap please RSVP at matildemom@gmail.com with shop and swap in the subject line.  We will start the shopping at 9 am and end the day at 6 pm.  Looking forward to seeing you all there and helping out this wonderful family!

Fade to grey

After having a sspectacularly wonderful morning, Cam had one little incident spilling his water at school and has been manic ever since. This morning he was sweet, kind, compliant, eager to please, and in general a happy kid. This afternoon, he is violent, angry, jittery, talking non stop gibberish, deliberately looking for things to destroy, and in general a miserable kid. I hate that I get to see the kid he can be for half an hour and get my hopes up for a good day only to have them dashed to pieces by a spilled cup of water for Lord knows how long. Days, weeks, months go on like this. I can see it in his eyes how very out of control he feels, and how much he is trying to fight it, he just can't seem to win for long. Will anyone else ever see the sweet, kind, funny, coherent kid but me? Will he ever get control of his own mind? When he's a grown man, will he be able to keep himself from hurting the people he loves the most? Will I be able to keep our family safe from him until we get his meds right? Will I be able to hold it together through all this chaos to bring my family to the other side of this persistent menace that is mental illness? There are too many questions that I have no answers for, and too many that I do have the answers for that I just want to hide from. I used to be an optimist, and now I am forced to be a realist. It's not a role I like, but it is a role I must take on if there are going to be plans for their futures. I cannot be a pollyanna and just hope that it all turns out right, I have to make the hard choice to look to their futures and make plans for the worst, while hoping for better than we have now.

How to not think about psychotherapy all day long...

...better known as how I distract myself from my three ring circus life.  I admit it, I think most days about the mental health status of at least one member of my family if not all of them as well as myself.  I have to.  With as many alphabet soup letters flying around after my kids and I, it is impossible to ignore completely.  But I try!

I have been kicking an idea around in my head for the last few weeks.  It's like a fantasy world in my head, a nice little story line to distract me when I have some down time.  Kind of like a soap opera rattling around in there (as if I don't have enough drama with out it).  I tried to make it go away, but the characters kept getting more and more persistent.  I know some of you are probably thinking I've finally gone 'round the bend, but just stick with me for a little bit longer... I swear I'm not losing what's left of my mind.

 It had gotten so bad I was dreaming the finer little plot details in vivid, hard to ignore dreams.  So I decided to write it out in an outline, just to get it out of my head.  Because, as I'm sure you can imagine, I really can't afford to be distracted by a whole separate life that goes on in my head, right?  I thought it would be just a short little exercise and I would be shed of this silly little idea and get on with my life.  Then I thought, "ya' know, this would make a fun little short story".  I tried writing it, and honestly, as a short story, it just had no luster.  There was no shine to it, but in my mind, ahhhh... there it grew flesh and bones, it was glorious, it was curious, and it was poking at my brains ALL DAY LONG!!  There were all these people, and situations, and LIFE in it.  I tried to leave it alone, I tried to shove it away, I tried and tried and tried.  I need some rest in my life.  I have enough to do with out adding something else, and lets face it, I'm not exactly a finisher.  I start things and start more things and start even more things until I am overwhelmed with all the starts and never finish anything!  I know this about myself, I really do, so why won't this silly thought go away? 

I do not know the answer to that.  I really don't.  All I know is if I can't get it all out of my brain, I will never be able to get anything done.  So I am going to start another project.  One just for me.  If nothing ever comes of it, I will hopefully at least have gotten this silliness out of my head.  I am going to write a novel.  Not a poem, not a short story, and not a cheap dime store romance either, a real novel to make you question your choices in life and make you think hard about your beliefs.  A novel that has real characters and real meaning, and that maybe, just maybe will get my brain to SHUT THE HECK UP when I close my eyes and try to sleep.  I won't be sharing it here, I won't be sharing it with anyone, not even my dearest and most wonderful husband.  But I will be writing it, and if it's good or bad, or even just somewhere in between, it will have a voice. 

Hello Again!

I know I fell completely off the face of the earth. Things here have been... well, in a word strange. My life has taken some very odd twists and turns, and yet it all goes on as if time should pass normally. I have found a tiny bit of peace in my life in the midst of it all swirling around like a tornado, and I thought I'd share.



I have come to peace with the knowledge that my children may need to be medicated to lead a happy, "normal" life. I have also come to the same conclusion for myself, at least for the short term. I know there are some (possibly many) of you who would disagree. I would have disagreed with this decision a year ago, trust me. I have put much thought and focus and research into this, and after it was all said and done, we put lil' C on meds for sleep at night and regulation during the day. I wish I had done it earlier. He is so much happier and is having fun like a four year old should. Are the meds magic? Far from it, but if they can help him learn how to process life through a new, better filter, how can I NOT give him that opportunity? With the support of our post adoptive services (who I LOVE with all my heart, because they SEE us and love on us and our kids constantly) we now have a plan for healing for my little man! I could not be happier.


My road to healing has been a bit bumpier than I envisioned. After several panic attacks, one dissociative event, and many, many tears, I sought help. It has not been easy to find. Good, gentle, and helpful therapsists and pdocs are evidently a rare commodity. I have done much of the work on my own, while still looking for the right fit. I found a wonderful pdoc for myself who was able to help, if not fully comprehend the scope of my life. Not that it's all that easy to understand these days! I am now feeling more like myself than I have in more than 14 years. I can get up and move, I can even *gasp* exercise. If you have never been in the pit, you have no idea how hard those very simple things can be, and how precious they can be. I am still in search of a therapist, but things are looking brighter by far.



Looking forward to getting (and keeping) my life back! Being the consummate non-finisher that I am, I don't plan on keeping up with that 30 day photo challenge I put up, but I may construct another one for myself... something along the lines of "Thirty days in the life...". Loving you all and looking forward to sharing more soon!

Day 1 Photo Challenge

This is me in all my work clothes glory!  Not a picture I love, but it's pretty accurate. This is my daily attire while I work and slave doing what I love.  So here are the 10 facts about me...

1. I didn't realize how much I've changed until I took this picture
2. I will be eating right and exercising soon
3. I am more in love with my husband than ever before
4. I love my herdlings more than I love myself
5. I am officially a business woman (who knew?)
6. I am broken inside, and I know it
7. I love all things old and dusty
8. My aunt gave me bags full of treasure this weekend, and it makes me giddy
9. I had a pretty awesome childhood and still talk to the kids on the block
10. Probably most important~ God is working big things in my life right now

Now take a look at that lady one more time... she will be changed by the end of this 30 day challenge... I guarantee it!

30 Day Photo Challenge

Alright, I stole this from my good fiend friend Dory(love ya' girlie!), and tweaked it just a bit, but the concept stuck with me.  Play along if you want and post your blog in the comments section, so we can all see your life in pictures for the next 30 days.



Here are the daily suggestions. Feel free to alter them if you wish.  Now I'm off to take a picture of myself that I can live with and blog about.  Just a side note, looks like you'll be seeing more than a few pics of Big Daddy, he fits almost every category!


Day 1: A picture of yourself with 10 facts.




Day 2: A picture of you and the person you have been closest with the longest.



Day 3: A picture of the cast of players in your house.



Day 4: A picture of your night.



Day 5: A picture of your favorite memory.



Day 6: A picture of a person you’d love to trade places with for a day.



Day 7: A picture of your most treasured item.



Day 8: A picture that makes you laugh.



Day 9: A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.



Day 10: A picture of the person who you do the most messed up things with.



Day 11: A picture of something you hate.



Day 12: A picture of something you love.



Day 13: A picture of you with each one of your kids~individually.



Day 14: A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.



Day 15: A picture of something you want to accomplish before you die.



Day 16: A picture of someone who inspires you.



Day 17: A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.



Day 18: A picture of your biggest insecurity.



Day 19: A picture of your favorite letter or number.



Day 20: A picture of yourself in the morning- no cheating.



Day 21: A picture of something you wish you could forget.



Day 22: A picture of something you wish you were better at.



Day 23: A picture of your favorite book.



Day 24: A picture of something you wish you could change.



Day 25: A picture of your day.



Day 26: A picture of something that means a lot to you.



Day 27: A picture of yourself and a family member.



Day 28: A picture of something you’re afraid of.



Day 29: A picture of something that can always make you smile.



Day 30: A picture of someone you miss.

Therapy... For me

I've talked about it in the past.  I've had very little success finding it.  But this week, I finally located it.  This "it" I speak of, what is it?  HELP!  That's what it is!  I think I've finally found it, and it's right here in the neighborhood, too!

This help comes in the form of a therapist.  I spoke with her on the phone at length about my/our situation and not only does she think she can help me, she knows all about RAD!  Unfortunately she doesn't take on kids as clients, but she has several RAD moms in her care.  She even asked what therapies we're using!  So far I'm thrilled with her.  We have our first in person session next week.  Let the healing begin.

The downside?  I almost threw up just dialing her number.  I am terrified, folks!  I was literally shaking just leaving a message for her.  While we were on the phone and I was giving her some background info, I was nanoseconds from having a panic attack.  Reliving the past, and healing old wounds is an EXTREMELY horrifying concept for me.  I spent the day just shy of the fetal position, and avoided my family and my parents (sorry mom) for fear of having someone notice my terror and having to talk about it.  Who knew healing was so scary?!  Writing this post, I'm still feeling a little sick to my stomach, but I am doing it!  I will heal, I will get through this, and I will come out the other side better for it, and better for helping my kids heal.  I am going to be brave!  Don't be fooled, healing is truly hero work.  Just ask my kids!